head is in a mess.

what is wrong, what is right?

is it true?

what is the proof?

or is it just messing with my head?

what have i became today... this is not me anymore.. where is my principle..

why did i waste so much time doing stuff like reading manga online when he was here?

why didn't i spend those time properly..

i'm through with life being like this.
i don't wanna think anymore.
get out of my mind!

and so, my valentine midnight is at Tmn Aman.

Oh, it must be raining again.
Thoughts made it rained.

Practical, Realistic, won't get you far.

Open up, dream wild, imagine the impossible.

Nothing's ahead, no regrets behind, cherish what's now.

Appreciate present, let go of the past, anticipate the future.




"Expect Nothing, Appreciate Everything."

what's past, meant to be the past, no use comparing the past to present.

I hate the night sky..
In a quiet place where I can see a glimpse of stars.

To the guy who watch movie with me every night on my bed, then will hug me and sometimes watch shirtless and you'll hold me right while watching.

To the guy who built a tent with me in my room with a string and my blanket just to watch Nanny McPhee while eating grapes, ruffles, and sandwich.

To the guy who played mission impossible with me in my room in the dark with mirror and laser pointer I just bought.

I hope you read this.
I hate you very much....

No seriously, fuck you.

People do say things they doesn't know. They think from a point they doesn't know either. No doubt, I'm one of the people.

There are times where I doubted someone I loved so much, that I went crazy for every little thing he did or didn't do. But well, I'm over that person now.

I still do miss the moments we went through and so on. Well, I'm a player ain't I? Got out of a freezer and straight into the frying pan.

Yeah, I still miss you, so what? We'll get back together? No right? Am I going to put hope like forever? What did u do when I'm still around? Nothing. Even on your birthday I planned stuff and it never be a good one for you, cause my attendance tere was a ruin for you. I knew it.

For those people out there, think every fucking thing you want. I'm out of here. I'm sick and tired of worrying over every detail to retain anyone in my life. No matter how much I want them to stay. Before you fucking judge me, please clarify with me before you say "oh he's two faced". So what if I ended up alone cause its much easier that I don't have to think what the fuck I did.
Hear what you want, believe all you want.
People show you, talk to you. Of all stuff they only show/tell you things affects you. And at the same time tarnish that guy and yet pretend they're innocent. That's why they did. You think they so free to bring out something they don't care?

Why I know this? Cause I been through it. I've done that.

My ex once said that, "Calvin is good at making people feel guilty. He's good at pretending"
So I pretended loving u the whole time! Thankiu! I just leveled up myself to a higher level of a clown. I did my best and be faithful but I'm an obsessive bitch who constantly wanna be aroun you. Thank you!

"never change to a person you're not in the first place. Instead, change to a person that is a better level than what you are currently"

Is something I learned from that relationship. Even so, I tried being a bad boy, it doesn't make me feel righ it doesn't make me feel good. It made me feel awful and disgusted.

I always tried to look for in life is simple. As simple as, getting people I can talk comfortably, no hiding and just be myself even just as a friend.

All these people I've been encountering are always people who think of me as needy and lead someone on and just enjoy that kind of scenario?

Why am I always being judged as "he only will do things that has advantage to himself"

As simple as "help me get that On the way" can become "I'm a tool to be used to fetch things to him"

Why are people so complicated? Or am I the one who's complicated? Now I'm finally left alone.

There's a lot stuff I rather not say knowing it'll hurt someone. And that is wrong for being playing with emotions. Great world!

This time I've learned, not to rely on another person for comfort.

実際どんなに深い愛も完璧じゃない。自分でしか自分にしてあげられない

"actually, no matter how deep a love is, it's not perfect. It's only can given to yourself by yourself."

Even a song has depicted it.
Show me love - Utada hikaru.

How it completely matches what I'm feeling eh.