i've tried, and tried, and tried.

yet, it's not repairable.

well, guess the only thing to do is to give up.

to let go, not because i'm giving up.

is because i know its impossible to be.

so, thanks for everything.

i think i got stronger, i hope.

thanks for teaching me, not to fall for someone overly passionate.

and thanks for teaching me not to control anyone just because i'm worried.

and guess i should had put more trust into it.

chances are, low.

i don't know if i still have the chance or not.

but i know it's not stupid to wait.

as you waited for half a year before.

do you remember the new year's eve?

that time when i drove you back to Asia Jaya to grab your car and we chatted in the car for a while? we talked while waiting for them to come, and then as we gonna part. you pecked my on my cheeks. it's at that time, i start to give in, and tell myself, he's could be the one, and let you in.

i wondering how you sleep at night.

i miss your touch of your skin, the fingers and hand that hold mine tight.

the smell and everything about you.

i think i look so fine, but every night, i think of you before i go to bed, maybe sometime mumbles your name in my sleep, and dream lots of stuff.

i swear to god, the best night of my life is that day,

we watch stars together and the hug.

someone told me, dreams are good, signs of possibilities in the future.

i know he's saying it to make me feel better. As much as he telling me things are gonna be fine,

i can see it in his eyes, telling me, he's pretty sure i won't get the chance again.

i don't know what is fate, what is destiny.

but i do know, we fight for it. I know, and i see your efforts and sacrifices before.

it's hard to note what others done to you, but it's easy to note what we give.

therefore, i notice, things i do, or give is not enough.

i don't know what to think anymore.

someone slap me, tell me all this is a dream.

i remember one of your notes saying
"i love to dream because it's perfect, but i even love the reality now, because i have you, it's better than dreaming"

well, the reality now hurts too much.

i rather sleep and don't wake. eternally cycles in the dream..

fear?

today, someone asked me.

what are my fears.

well, my fear is basically nothing much, other than those basic things like ghosts, insects and so on.

it's about emotional fears. well, if that it will be, losing someone you hold dearest, not even crossing the mind of the person you like, and not needed by the person you need in life.

well, in the past,

i used to build up walls high up, to keep me away from ppl,

so i wouldn't fall, and i wouldnt fear and worry about losing someone and so on.

well,

i thought i had found a person who can achieve my dreams together with me,

protecting me from my fears

and there, the fear came, and become so irrational and desperate to fight it off,

end up.. screwed up everything.

i woke up.. to a sweet dream again =)

it's similar to UP again. =)

but its with you!

btw, do you remember Fang in LoL?
he's asking what happened to us.

he even asked, when can we 3 play again..

well, if anything...

now at this hour is 12:00am 24th sept 2011.

nyehehe.

well, it's our 9th months..

if only that didnt happen!

anyway.. miss u sho much.

and well! its the clothe i bought cause u said red is good!

rmb this? you used to save this just to tag me in that tumblr post !
i miss you so much..

i see, that you're happy there.

i see that what i saying is not gonna work...

so i went to the eye check up today,

and specialist said my eyes are good for it to be performed.

and can schedule me for nxt saturday slot.

well, i wondering if you would be the one to acc me and drive me home after that?

afterall, its on the 29th. hehe the nxt day you know is what day right?

remember the funny video i said i wanna show you last month?

about the guys kenot laugh ?

this is the one. finally i found it. it's no longer written in japanese.. and i dunno the stupid name..

9 more days and it's my birthday.

you said you'd celebrate with me in KL.

but i said i wanna go down to kampar, because i wanna celebrate it at the spot we look at the stars.

so.. i guess it's not coming true this time...

if you are reading this.. i hope you are.

i just want you to know, i understand how clingy and possessive i am back then.

i am truly sorry.

i finally understand it, and it just exhausts you.. and yet you still talks to me eventhough you're exhausted.

if u know our place,

it'll be tmn aman. =) basketball court.

i'll always be there.

why did i screwed up things?

there's so many things i want to do with you and i haven't get to do it.

i practiced the song so hard, just to play to you when i get my piano back.

we promised to go melaka and bkt cahaya together, and we still not done it.

the puzzles we bought together we haven't finish put the pieces together, eventho you asked me to do it myself first, i want to do it together.

we said we gonna go Africa together to see animals, go niagara to see wonders, walk the great wall of china till we can't walk no more.

adopt kids, naming aloycious and cornelius.

travel to singapore and work there together,

getting our own house. you said i don't have to do anything cause i'll ruin the household, and ask me to stay back and enjoy everything while you'll do the cooking, cleaning, and etc etc...

when you promised me these things... are you serious about it?

cause i know i'm pretty serious about it.. =(

i really do <3 you..

come back !

Sweet dream

I had a sweet dream.

I dreamed of us being like the usual

But you ran out of the hse just to hug me and tell me it's alright

It's okay, whenever I'm down.

Then move on to kiss me, promising me things will be fine.

I don't want to wake up from it.

i feel so... empty

It's almost 5am

I can't sleep.

Thinking bout us

It just makes my heart bleed knowing you're doing fine there without me in your life

I can barely survived today.

I think I can get better soon too.

Really never thought of it becoming like this.

I just wanted more attention of yours...

Good night..

i hate playing LoL alone.

because we started it together, saying we're gonna keep the scores same till forever.

to show the world we're always together.

now it's not the same anymore..

and it's stupid to play alone.. because always i play is because i play with you..

how many times we got angry because we ksed each other.

and how many times we were actually happy when we combo perfectly in the past?

i won't get it back..

strawberry.

you remeber how much we both loved strawberry?

there is a must of strawberry in cakes from secret recipe right?

i remember the first time i bougth the cakes 2 slice for you before i went to a wedding dinner where you had to stay home..

then there's once you bought in leisure mall, 3 slice including green tea after my studies in starbucks..

another time when you came back from kampar, i went to fetch you, and you got me those cakes again. =)

but that time i didnt get to eat the greentea cause my dad ate it..

....

oh god. it's raining here.

hear me out..

hope i sleep and i don't wake up anymore..

the person who taught me how to pronounce the word "singed" lol.

do you remember the time you made me watch adele during my study period in starbucks in Damansara Utama? You were patiently waiting me to study while watching your youtube videos and talking to me.

We only had Java chip and Juice then a muffin for dinner..

sigh.. what made you lose feeling that affects me... that in turn make us turn sour?

Kitty and Bunny officially separated on.

15th Oct 2011 1:00pm

but the blog still goes on.

theres many untold stories behind it.

tried to learn this though last time.

didn't get to finish.

i wanted to play it one day.

with you.

doing nothing in that afternoon,

other than you listen to me screeching that piano.

=)

its all too late...

for a moment i hate you so much.
i keep telling myself to hate you.

but then, one sms come and
"i love you so much"


i just love to scroll to an empty page in my iPhone.
that way i can see our photo together clearly.

the one, where i kissed your cheek in i-city =)
i heart you xoxo

he said it's the truth,

spending a life time and sticking with me

mid valley

the gift shop we got domo, the puzzle world, gsc cinema, bowling alley.

changing room in topman, cottons on and how you laughed at me when buying facial product from the face shop.

comes to sushi zanmai talked for hours, chillis for my birthday and a few times for our dinner, plus once you belanja me for making me angry.

italianese where we had a fight after gym.

Utada Hikaru Tribute

This is the one - This is the one.
Be My Last - Ultra Blue

Addicted to You - Distance

Stay Gold - Heart Station.

On a day like this, i just hope that i could be at your side,

doing exactly nothing. but just seeing you.

The next time we get to spend whole day together,

can we do exactly nothing? and just lay on the bed?

it's waste of time, but it's making me happy.

for one day, stay away from the social networking, people and phones.

just you and i =) we'll be watching movies, your arms around me in the dark.

if it's scary movie we'll hug, if it's comedy we'll laugh.

we'll snack as we watch, pop tarts, lays, mr. potato, ruffles.

when i stand up, hug me from behind.

listen to me.

take some time and read it okay?

After the sweet candy has disappeared
A sad looking little boy
On a cloudless Summer Day

Sunburnt hands and feet
Careless if her white one piece gets dirty
An unconscious paradise

I waited after the dream, but nothing
Then one day, I learned of your name

So Goodbye Loneliness
Singing along to a love song
Reflected in your eyes, I’m laughing

So Goodbye Happiness
We can’t return to those times
When we were naive and energetic
But that’s okay
Love me

You can’t overthink it or get too desperate
Don’t fool yourself
It’s a tough world

When humans find themselves all alone
Is when they realize the meaning of love

These fading passing days
Let me hear a gentle song
Do you still remember, to this day
The way we felt around the time we met

So Goodbye Innocence
We can’t return to those times
When we were naive and energetic
It’s all your fault
Kiss me

Oh everything goes round and around
Oh Darling Darling I’m not going to move on to someone else
Only you

Wouldn’t it be great if we could just live the way we are?
At crucial moments, my other self blocks my way.

So Goodbye Happiness
I want to return to those times
When we were naive and energetic
Baby, just one more time
Kiss me